i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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