you win again, gameday.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
