I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize