he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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