Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
