You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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