my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
