He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
