I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
