SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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