about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
