There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
