Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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