it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
