Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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