so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
