woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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