cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
