alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize