i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
