Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
