Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
