Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
