All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
