Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
