i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
