Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
