THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
