Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
