I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
