He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
