How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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