Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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