If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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