this beer tastes like vomit already
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
