my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
