I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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