they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I enjoy the company of your penis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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