these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
