Cold hands, warm shart.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
