I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
