its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
