There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
