i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
