you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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