you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
