I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
