my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
