They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
