You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my liver is dry heaving
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
