I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
