Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
