I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We talked him into tasing himself.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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