Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize