Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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