i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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