my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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