I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
