i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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