I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
