If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
