She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize