who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
